Friday night with you

I am in my home listening to Marina and the Diamonds...what a beauty both the music and the artist. But that is not the point.
The Point!
do I have a POINT!
That is exactly what I am trying to figure out. It's funny that I ask myself the same question since I can remember. My point has always been switching, moving, falling and sometimes standing still.
People always say don't worry Awilda you will figure it out. At times I have...when i was in college my point was to fucking graduate and get the hell out of there(Florida). Yeah! that was my point then.
As i continue to figure it out the shifts i have gone from making myself out to the world because it was important to not be afraid of who i am and who i love. Now everyone has met my lover and i make art that talks about my fluid sexuality...now what?

I am interested in getting to know my mother, AWILDA.
Her name has always been present.
People ask me what does my name mean. I always answer "is my mothers name."
But it isn't that simple. My name comes from my farther's insistence in having a baby girl that looked just like his partner the women he felt in love with. Can i really engage people on this drama every time they ask me what does your name mean...i don't think so.

So instead i decided to make a piece that honors my mother and our name. Being named after your mother comes with a lot of responsibilities. Not only that, but having similar physical features makes even more complicated. Why?
Well, since i was a little girl everyone reminded me how much i look like my mother. i will be walking in a mall in PR and people will stop and ask me...
is your mom Awilda?
of course you are identical.

What!

i've tried and i am still trying not to look like her. But as i try to push it i feel it catches me all the time. now i am working on Mamá Awilda: El Duet my new solo multimedia performance about the relationship with my mother and the love we have for each other plus all the complications involved in that love affair. Developing the work has been challenging and growing....yeah i am constantly being challenge by my feelings of being my mother. i am her.....maybe