Sorry I haven't written anything in a while. Life in La Performera's world is going thru some crazy transformations. I call it crazy because it doesn't always make sense. My brain, my thoughts, my stomach, my heart...well my whole body both physically and emotionally is transforming. In about 5 days I will be turning 33. So many people have been so supportive during this time of change and to be honest i don't even know how to thank them enough. Change isn't easy....change means something new and different. I use to be an addict to change. I will move from apts, from lovers, from practices, from so many things by choice. I will tell to myself ok I am done what is next...ohh and so many people got hurt so many leases got broken and so many gym memberships got canceled. yeah lots of changes and many broken promises...
i am currently questioning myself...i am asking myself many questions about
who i am?
what am i becoming?
do i like who i am?
will it get better after the change?....everyone has been so great at letting me know that change is good and that the complicated state of the change will ease. i know it will, but dam it is a bitch...
some days i am up and going with the change and i even embrace it and take it out for scenic drives...me and change have had some good times....but the good times are sometimes shorter in length that the bad ones...
i am learning to love the change and learning to be ok with it.
so here i am thinking about it again...the emotions are not of sadness or happiness the emotions are just still holding on to maintain the balance.
so i will go to bed tonight with change and we will hold each other tight and very still. we will fall asleep together without talking...silence will be our soundtrack
goodnight everyone and sweet dreams....
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